Monday, April 30, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 30



Pandora's Valentine Envelope (Front Face)




Pandora's Valentine Envelope (Back Face)




---William James




Sunday, April 29, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 29


Pandora's Valentine






Pandora's Valentine

Anonymous Entry

to listen
attentively and patiently

Page 2

   I saw you 

   Thinking 
   Big Trouble 
   Remembering... 
      A Dance 
      A Game 

   At some point in our lives, 
   we might as well be naked      

Page 3

   25% Off 
   Blowing Class 

   You just couldn't miss  
   a chance like this  
   Free first visit 
   Sleepovers with 
   Theology and psychology      
   Find out where  

   We won't sell you half a  
   Shoe 

   Condoms reduce the risk   

   The reason 
   Social justice 
   care and leadership 
   has ended 
   was combat 

   Like us 
   Pandora and jealousy 
   push through the defense   
   with little sleep 



---William James is a collage writer. He builds short simple narratives from excerpts of newsprint (and other source) clippings.






Saturday, April 28, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 28


Speak from the heart


NASA confirmation 2012 pole shift imminent
WikiLeaks set to reveal USA-UFO War
Something is wrong with the sun, moon, and earth

HAARP is killing the birds
The secret government wants us dead
NASA confirmation 2012 pole shift imminent

The earth's crust shifted two degrees south
Crustal displacement happens abruptly
Something is wrong with the sun, moon, and earth

Is this why NASA lies
What is the real reason NASA bombed the moon
NASA confirmation 2012 pole shift imminent

The moon is squashed in the sky
NASA employee leaked Doomsday info
Something is wrong with the sun, moon, and earth

Stock up on guns and ammo, you're going to need it
Get at least 675 feet above sea level
NASA confirmation 2012 pole shift imminent

The serpent bearer approaches
Planet Nibiru is hiding behind the sun
Something is wrong with the sun, moon, and earth

Weather radar shows something unusual
How much more proof do you need
NASA confirmation 2012 pole shift imminent
Something is wrong with the sun, moon, and earth

---William James

      Source: YouTube videos and their respective titles






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Friday, April 27, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 27b


Gypsy


She inserted her gaze into mine
I turned the key and locked her in
She stalked to the right
I stepped left
We glided synchronized
     like broken hands around the face of a clock
She shimmered
     like a windblown blade of grass in the sun
I moved closer
Her apple blossom lips
     were animated into a nonverbal conversation
She tightened the circle
I frivolously brushed her arm
She embraced me lock-step into a swing
Her moist flesh quivered under the strength of my hands
I inhaled deeply her natural musky girl scent
My manhood was instantly inflamed
She pulled me smiling into her loins

---William James, 04/22/2012




National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 27a



the end game
gambit
before
the dawn
of the American
Spring

---William James
      Image Source: The Oregonian, Friday, 3/23/2012, A&E Cover Page.






FYI: To read the print on the image you may have to actually go into the post itself and then click on the picture.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 26


“Someday this war is going to end,” (Apocalypse Now)

But not for me
I fight a battle
that will not soon end
if at all
The things I have done
may be forgiven by a god
but not for me

Every day is the same
the bugle calls the dawn
I crack open my eyes
and the blood of my enemy
has stained my hands
in the night
It is a caked mucus
under my nails
I scrub with steel wool
I cannot get clean

In a shattered room
I weep for myself
I see no future
I see only the past
It haunts the rhythm of my heart
Even though I have returned home
to a world of security
I still recount my invasion

Quiet moments scream
bolts of guilt
in thundering storms
I will never be free
till the last breath
escapes
my bluing lips

---William James





Wednesday, April 25, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 25

 

Two Loose Septolet's

 
Blood!
The shark
was crazed.
It tore
 
an old man
into a
ghastly corpse.
 
 
The
scene was
beyond horror.
The rubber
body bag
 
was filled
with fleshly
gore.
 
    The word prompts: "shark, gore, rubber-bag, corpse," were lifted from page 26 of Peter Benchly’s novel Jaws.
         

Appearances... by Purple Mark

 
Appearance is an odd thing in Nature. Mostly animals
and people tend to blend into the scenery or Society’s notions
of how they should be, as a type of camouflage: in a ‘if I can’t
 
be seen, then I can’t be attacked’ mentality. However, there are
the colorful peacock males of fur and feather which don’t blend in
among the animals. In Humans, it is especially attractive to artists
 
and other free-spirited thinkers who enjoy turning themselves in
walking works of art. Then there are artists who delight in turning
their pets into works of art as well, much to the animal’s chagrin.
 
She appeared silently without fanfare, as cats do. She was sitting
there; staring at me from the end of the path; small, assured and
exquisitely beautiful. A cat, but not a cat - more like some ethereal
 
fairy creature covered with a mosaic of large turquoise-tinged
diamonds that spread out and enfolded her like the translucent
stained-glass shapes of a butterfly’s wings.
 

---Purple Mark, 04/21/2012

         

Purple Prompts:                                                                         

  1. She appeared silently and without fanfare, as cats do. She was sitting there, staring at me from the end of the path; small, assured and exquisitely beautiful. Her lithe body was covered with a mosaic of large turquoise-tinged diamonds that spread out and enfolded her like the translucent stained glass shapes of a butterfly’s wings... (Federico Raggio)” Burton Silver, Heather Busch Why Paint Cats: The Ethics Of Feline Aesthetics. (10-Speed Press, 2002), Page 7.
  2. ...it is not intended to merge but standout in glorious contrast to the drab tones of most male dress. Strictly for extroverts, it is especially attractive to artists and other free-thinkers who enjoy turning themselves into walking works of art.” Colin McDowell. The Man Of Fashion: Peacock Males And The Perfect Gentleman. (Thames & Hudson, 1997), Page 98.
       

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 24

 

Facebook come up short again
It was sad that you weren't there
I will close my eyes in a few blinks
 
I have been busy painting
It was a rain snow mix
It was sad that you weren't there
 
Did you bring your 3-D glasses
It's difficult to reach things beyond your grasp
I will close my eyes in a few blinks
 
I had not seen him for eight years
Then nature gently and kindly took over
It was sad that you weren't there
 
I had fun playing outside today
I can still feel the sun on my skin
I will close my eyes in a few blinks
 
I went by your place
The dog was gone.
It was sad that you weren't there
I will close my eyes in a few blinks
 

---William James

    Source: lines extracted from text messages.
         

Monday, April 23, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 23

 
Porter felt ripped off
after seeing the “Spice Girls” movie
even though it was only 99 cents
Carla said to him as she slugged down
the sickly sweet Mogen David Wine,
“I am being watched.”
She slipped a golden fountain pen head
into the IRS envelope
and ripped it open.
Carla half expected a retarded
butt-poem about her close friendship
to the AP department to fall out
instead it was another bill for 99 cents
Carla handed him the wine
He peeled back the paper bag
from the neck of the bottle
unscrewed the cap
gulped the last of it down
Carla slurred,
“It’s funny poems in life ain’t shit without a joint.”
 

---William James

             

The Solution.... By Carla Blaschka

 

"The worst of human narrowness pours forth in the negative assessment of monographic work as merely descriptive."

What a whiner. I put down my book and surveyed the scene. A wet and shaggy corgi ran past looking for more fun with master. A photographer was filming people walking toward the camera for who knows what reason. A grungy crazy-looking tramp was kicking the gravel in the path while muttering mayhem toward somebody or something and at random intervals we would hear random drum beats from a group of Native American kids seated in a circle on the lawn. A small terrier raced hell for leather with a ball in its mouth away from its owner, then brought it back to demand it be thrown again.

I was in distress. My stomach was hurting and my chest was doing that odd thing again. It felt like I forgot to breathe and then I would have to gasp in a huge lungful. It only happened when I was anxious and I was always anxious these days.

I was contemplating ways to remove my sister's baby from her, and it was killing me.

It was going to break our family in two, but what could I do...she was acting crazy. I had researched post-partum depression online and she was showing all the symtons. Crying all the time, talking crazy about killing herself or the baby, ignoring her for hours and then calling me in the middle of the night because of some supposed health problem. She had phoned me at 3 am the other night to say Jeanette hadn't spit up enough after her feeding and should she take her into the emergency room! Christ, what a nutter. I was so worried about her. Every news story I'd ever heard about it featured some woman who killed her baby while it she was hallucinating it was Jesus and that it would come back from the dead or some such crap.

Was I going to wait until she killed Jeanette and spend the rest of her days guilty and in prison or was I going to intervene? I wanted to save her too, she was my sister and I loved her.

It wasn't like she had a husband to look after her. She wanted a kid so she got one, without regard to Jeanette's need for a father, without regard to what might happen if she got sick and now this. It was a rare day I could get her to meet me or even open her door, she just locked herself away from all of us, and she was so deep in crazy that she couldn't see it.

If I took the baby, I'd be a kidnaper. They'd find me and then just give the baby back to her. I was willing to sacrifice myself for Doris and Jeanette but that wouldn't work. I had called CPS but they didn't have the staff to handle "maybe's". Maybe she'll hurt the baby, maybe she wouldn't. I had called her doctor, but didn't think she'd convinced her to take anything for it. If I got more authorities involved, my sister would never speak to me again, and I'd never see my niece.

Fluffy cotton clouds floated in a baby blue sky, just like they did in Jeanette's nursery.

I could push my sister off the ferry, claim she committed suicide. That would save the baby. I checked my watch. The next ferry was at two-thirty.

But I couldn't. I loved her. I was trying to save her from infanticide, not destroy her.

My stomach felt like I swallowed ground glass, I was so worried. We were going to Bainbridge Island to visit Grandma and were meeting at the fountain, now sprouting green water in honor of spring.

A Seattle legend walked past, sunshine itself in yellow and a colorful pink beard. He stopped at a request to have his picture taken, and I noticed the takers never even asked his name. I had wondered before if the bright peacock colors he wore were really just his camoflauge, to hide who knows what precious gem inside.

What to do? What to do? I was so tired of this. Just worn out with worry and getting phone calls in the middle of the night. I was beginning to act crazy.

I wanted to save the baby, save my sister, save our relationship, get back to normal. I loved my sister. If only she hadn't gotten pregnant, this never would have happened. It was having the baby that had caused all the problems. It was the baby who was to blame. If the baby wasn't here, I wouldn't have a problem.

To get rid of the problem, I just needed to get rid of the baby. Bingo.

When the ferry bumped against the dock, I could 'accidently' drop the baby overboard, throw myself over to pretend to save it while I made sure it didn't bob up to the surface like a fat pink apple. Result: sister sad but saved, relationship strained, but hopefully saved. Nobody in jail.

Problem solved.

 

---by Carla Blaschka, 4/21/12

      Written alongside PurpleMark Wirth at Cal Anderson Park, Seattle.
           

Carla's Prompts:                                                                         

  1. "The worst of human narrowness pours forth in the negative assessment of monographic work as merely descriptive." Stephen Jay Gould. Wonderful Life. (WW Norton & Co, NY c.1989), Page 100.
  2. "I consulted my schedule again, which told me that the next ferry back would be two-thirty." Sharon Duncan. The Dead Wives Society. (Signet, c.2009), Page 100.
  3. "6. Research Post-Partum Paranoia online" Diana Osgain. Bundle of Trouble. (Berkley Prime Crime, c. 2009), Page 100.
  4. "Her ailment seemed more mental than physical." Theo Paijmans. Free Energy Pioneer: John Worrell Keely. (IllumiNet Press, c. 1998), Page 100.
  5. An object: A wet shaggy corgi passed by
                     

Sunday, April 22, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 22

 

I Cut The Cheese Out of the Paper

 
Over population is the root cause
of environmental destruction.
 
I have friends who call to apologize
when they get pregnant.
 
There are other options.
Check out the shredder.
Its unique patented design
accepts limbs of all sizes.
 
We’re hoping that condom packaging colorfully
depicts spotted owls and salamanders.
We want you to know
who the rightful heirs of the earth are.
 
Save sticks in a sack.
Throw them
at population offenders.
 

---William James

    Source: Eugene Weekly, Vol. 31, #16, Page 13.
       

Saturday, April 21, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 21

 

In The Movies

 
Once upon a time, there was a blonde girl in an alley behind the Quick-Mart.
 
Once upon a time, there was this other time, a blonde girl fell prey to a hungry vampire in an alley behind the Quick-Mart.
 
Once upon a time, there was still more time, a blond girl, limp in the vampire’s embrace, read that man totally wrong in the alley behind the Quick-Mart.
 
Once upon a time, there was another upon a time that a blond girl in an alley behind the Quick-Mart got into a truck and drove down an ominous dirt road that didn’t lead to a cabin in the woods.
 
Once upon a time, there was another upon a time with even more time that a blond girl in an alley behind the Quick-Mart got into a truck and drove down an ominous dirt road that didn’t lead to a cabin in the woods, but to a scream in a tree where another blond girl became a footnote to a ravenous vampire, but was totally wrong about the horror of the story.
 
Once upon a time, there was even more upon a times, there was a blonde girl in an alley behind the Quick-Mart who knelt down to pick a penny off the ground.
 

---William James

         

Friday, April 20, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 20

 

That's good Spicoli, "I don't know," but Ms Hand Does...


Seeking a guy to sit in pj's all day playing video games with.
After I level up, we'll go out and
finish the final treasure hunt together in Seattle.
I want someone to veg out on the couch all night
watch American Idol, drink beer, eat chips, and scratch his balls.
Show me something I haven't seen before,
run naked backwards through a corn field on a warm summer day,
skinny dip at the arboretum at dusk, or pluck a banjo wearing an old dress.

I'm delightful from all angles.
Look at me, I'm in a newspaper!
I get excited about ridiculous things,
but I draw the line at mayhem.
I love all kinds of strength that aren't measured in muscle.
I also love short hair and glasses, and assertive opinions.
I'm too conservative to fit into Seattle,
but too liberal to leave---I like Yoga.
I am more into plunging directly rather than drifting,
exploring the world meeting people.
I got my shit together. Do you?
By day I live as a web developer,
by night you might find me with my arms
wrapped around a guitar or my cats.

Promise, you'll like me,
befriend me, then seduce me.
We all deserve some love action,
right, Spicoli?

 

---William James

    Source: The Stranger: Love Lab, 2/22/2012, page 49.
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 19

 

Cross Out Savage Love


I am a 24 year old female
who likes to watch women
use the bathroom
We all have kinks
peeing isn't that big of a deal
shitting in front of someone is hard

We had a lovely night
We went into the bathroom very horny
I said, "let's fuck sitting on the toilet"
In case you have to go
you can be on top
I wanted to have sex again
She wanted to
drink some coffee
and smoke a cigarette

 

---William James

      source: The Stranger Savage Love: No Pressure, 2/22/2012, Page 55.
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 18

 

Coast to Coast Montage


HAARP, Privacy, and Mind Control, we’re talking about all of it tonight
Sixty million year old dinosaur eggs discovered
In a sheer rock wall in Chechnya the size of bicycles
The bible is going down in terms of sales
The world is waking up
So many things bottle the mind
The human race is trapped in a prison of its own design
The authorities have the power to mind control people
Even Steve has never seen so many UFO reports in his life
He reports, a man sees a light larger than Venus
in the sky chased by F-16’s hoping up and down
Was it a sign from something in heaven?
For more information go to five hour energy dot com
What was that all about?
The monolith was the shape of the movie screen
The message is that an alien species that has been guiding us,
is still guiding us, and will transform us,
the human race, by raising our consciousness into a new stage of existence
Subliminal messages in Kubrick’s films
Apes become hunters and killers
A big black stone refines us and makes us better
Kubric was hired to fake the moon landing
For more information go to sacred mysteries dot com
HAARP is capable of affecting the climate or causing earthquakes
The way the parties are playing it, they’re so rigid
We need a brain spa to enhance our mental facilities
The mind control comes from this base
As you dive into those areas mind control is a fertile ground
Coming out of politics, it’s all about mind control
They’ve got this down to a science
It’s integrated into marketing, gaming, everything
Our thoughts are being controlled
Government has learned that fear controls the population
Fear suspends higher order thinking
Religions do it, governments do it
If you think about it this is a way to move a population
into a direction that you desire and then
you sprinkle in a little patriotism and national pride
and wah-lah the people do the will of a few
Hitler saw fear as a tool
An enlightened population needs to see beyond fear
The real test for this century is the use of technology
Sit down watch TV and people go into a zone
That can’t even hear a spouse yell that dinner is ready
They are going to use profiling on an individual level and on a grand scale
to move the scale 50% plus 1% and wah-lah, Mitt Romney is president
They can use music to influence thought
Commercial music is specifically designed to create a state of mind
Colors it is the same
When we come back let’s get into electronic telepathy
The forest gives us more than clean air and water
Today only 1600 grizzly bears live in the lower 48
This problem is closer than you think
Be sure to look both ways before crossing the street
Do you think sporting events were created to control the population?
If you go back to age of the Roman gladiators, what was that about?
It’s a way to disarm and deflect a population’s concerns about the present
The idea behind telepathy is that you are the radio, you don’t need a radio
The idea is to create chaos and confusion in the enemy
You drive the physiology to create the effect
How much of this is Machiavellian?
Politicians get fed propaganda that’s what they use to make decisions
Government scientists are the real ones in control
They aren’t elected
They are there before and after a politician is in office
They hope nobody has enough brains to ask the tough questions
That’s why you gotta stop watching TV like American Idol
Stop watching TV and regain control of your own mind
Mind control
This is what HAARP is all about
If they wait long enough they can play the game again
Fear is what brings Hitler’s alive
Fear is the principal weapon of the military industrial complex
That’s it for tonight folks
Let’s all do it again tomorrow

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Opabinia And Steampunk Starships by Purple Mark

 

The world we live in is a far stranger place than we realize.
We think we know what it is, but for a change of circumstance
it could’ve been a much different race than us which might’ve
come to rule the Earth instead of the Vertebrates.

At the dawn of Life in the Pre-Cambrian Era many odd Life-forms
such as Odaraia with its tubular carapace and 3-pronged tail;
Hallucigenia with its 7 sets of spine-like legs and back tubes;
Anomalocaris with its frond-like feeding appendages and iris-mouth;

and of course, Opabinia with its 5 eyes and fanged trunk that
made it look like a cousin to Alien were the denizens of the early seas.
However, Catastrophe occurred and they all disappeared,
leaving Science to try and make sense of what could’ve been.

For out of the 12 orders of Life which existed then, only 4 orders
of Life have remained and it was these from which all subsequent
animal Life originated. The Vertebrates from which the Mammals
came from could’ve easily been one of lines which is now missing.

Laughter is the most ambiguous of Human expressions
for it can embody 2 contradictory meanings at the same time.
The Scientist working on the Burgess Shale Fossils
had to overwhelm his colleagues with a reconstruction

of Opabinia so incontrovertible that all its peculiarities
could pass into the realm of simple fact and not fantasy.
Another Earth we could’ve lived in had machines that might’ve
taken us to the stars in Steampunk grandeur as early as 1895.

A Reporter looked with some apprehension upon the engine built
to navigate an Airship, whose wheels were not made to revolve,
but only to be set to certain combinations and he shuddered
at the thought that he might sail out into space on a machine

without knowing its combination. The Provisional Engine used
the action of the etheric forces of its Globe and Drum which
were activated and directed by tonal vibrations, instead of by the
other inventors of the time’s switches, buttons, gauges or gears.

The many choices which we both have and have not been taken
have placed us on this particular Earth out of all the ones
which might’ve been or is it the ones which might be if only we
had made other decisions at the other times?


 

---Purple Mark, 04/14/12

 
 
 

Purple Prompts:                                                                         

  1. He looked with ‘some apprehension upon the engine built to navigate an airship, whose wheels were not made to revolve, but only to be set to certain combinations,... The reporter shuddered at the thought that he might sail out into space on that machine without knowing its combination.” Theo Paijmans. Free Energy Pioneer: John Worrell Keely. (IllumiNet Press, 1998), Page 214.
  2. Laughter is the most ambiguous of human expressions, for it can embody two contradictory meanings.... He had to overwhelm his colleagues with an (sic) reconstruction of Opabinia so incontrovertible that all its peculiarities could pass into the realm of simple fact.” Stephen Jay Gould. Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of History. (W. W. Norton & Company 1989), Pages 126-127.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 17

 

Fourth Grade VD Montage


Hi ya cutie
I'm not lion
You drive me crazy
No matter how you slice it
I've got my eye on you
You can't be beat
Hurry, let's be...
I hope you're on your way

1-2-3 You're the one that's meant for me

---William James

 
 
 
 
 

Monday, April 16, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 16

 

Twisted Love Line Callers


I'm in a closet.
What’s up with you?
I have a social phobia .
I had friends before I moved.

What’s up with you.
The doctor said I have an anal fissure.
I had friends before I moved.
We were underneath some power lines, I was affected.

The doctor said I have an anal fissure.
It never hurts when I do it.
When we were underneath power lines, I was infected.
This is a harsh in your buzz.

It never hurts when I do it.
That's what disturbs us.
It's a harsh in your buzz.
How can I avoid this stuff?

This is what disturbs us.
It's like everybody got slammed in the head by a bag of doorknobs.
How can I avoid this stuff?
He was showing me religious stuff.

Did you get slammed in the head by a bag of doorknobs?
Did you open your mouth?
He was showing me religious stuff.
I don't want your DNA passed on.

Did you open your mouth?
It's like talking to a beanbag.
I don't want your DNA passed on.
I always choose the worst guys.

It's like talking to a beanbag.
I'm in a drum line.
I always choose the worst guys.
Could it possibly be because I have an asshole the size of a mason jar?

I'm in a drum line.
I have a social phobia.
I have an asshole the size of a mason jar.
I'm in a closet.


 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 15

 

CAPTURED CASINO CONVERSATIONS


It's 9:15 guys.
Where's everybody else at?
I just took a shower.
I gotta take a piss.
I want to watch.
That was a guitar hero score.
"Can't you see I'm easy."
Where are you going?
The universe doesn't like me.
I'm going to fight with a pillow any minute now.

Odds are high,
it's that same girl.
She's got a cute button butt.
Look at my moobs.
You're such a slut.
I got moobs on you.
"Girls just wanna have fun."
You don't look like a girl.
You look like a tourist.
All you need is a camera
hanging down your neck.

What is that dribbling down your chin?
I got a thing for ice cream.
You were flailing your arms.
I was in the pool.
Let's get to the room.
I wanna get caught in your fishnets.
It will be a sandwich.
"Drive me crazy, drive me crazy again."

Is that a crack whore?
She looks like a man.
Look at her ass pants.
She looks like she has two butt cracks.
"...feel the beat from the tambourine."
Oh god, she's gonna want to dance with me.
It's the same coming and going.

Here i am.
I got my score card.
I got my junk.
I got tired of sitting there.
You never remembered my name.
Did you fart?
You know i would never do such a thing.
That was a floater.
It was a real man eater.
It smelled like kitty liter.
Exactly.
 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 14

 

I heard a poem today.
In the madness between syllables,
I was speechless. It sounded like
water as it bubbled out the side of a hill
whose virgin stream carved muddy
pocks in the soil. It sounded like
a creek as it roars over smooth stones
polished by suspended sand. It sounded like
a blue headed bird calling out
to a mate in the wind. It sounded like
a cloud talking to the sky
in a whispering vapor. It sounded like
a new blossom kissing a branch
in purple puckers. It sounded like
the shadow of the sun as it gently tugs
a blanket up a side hill. It sounded like
children jumping up and down on a trampoline
trying to reach heaven. It sounded like
a million people driving down the highway
oblivious to what lies below
their four tires. It sounded like
a dog lifting his leg
to spray a bush. It sounded like
...shit, I don't know what it sounded like
why are you asking me about this stupid poem?

 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, April 13, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 13

 

Savage Guidance


My advice is to give up.
You have to learn to shrug off a betrayal or two
and sometimes a not-so-minor annoyance.
If it begins to bother you, slap him down.
Tell him, Hey, big boy, you stink.
Tell him he is a sexist asshole.
Tell him your ejaculations are actually piss.
Tell him to drink it.
Tell him to like it.
Tell him he is a gay man.
Get a strap-on
Work up to buttsex over a week or two
Breathe, medical marijuana, deeply.
Brag publicly,
but don't be ridiculous with your words
the next time he spanks your hairy little cat.

 

---William James

     
with the help of Savage Love February 15, 2012
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 12

 

At the inception of the idea
Hans Zimmer bangs out a techno
beat on wind chimes hanging from
his back porch. The dog barfs
a river of a silky white protein
drink and a long thin angry
red Cayenne chili. On a street
corner a disheveled woman plays
a sweaty waltz on a trash can lid
for coppers in a tin. A shoe shine
man is also there whipping
a blackened rag to a similar beat.
His customer sings, “My wingtips
have been spit-shined by more
than mere words.”

 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 11

 

Bi curious girl looking for experimentation - w4w


I’m looking for a special date on Valentine’s Day.
I am a 23 year old girl who is looking for some girl on girl magic!
A lot of people say I'm very cute
I'm 5'2 and have long dark brown hair
and I'm pregnant, about 5 months.
Can someone teach me a few things?

I can host if needed
but you would have to host most of the time.
My boyfriend doesn't know
so, this would have to be a secret.
I need to feel a woman’s soft touch!
I love being with other girls
but don't have to time with my work, school, and gym
to meet anyone to have some nice hot fun with!

I'LL SHOW YOU MINE IF YOU SHOW ME YOURS.
I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT SOME SEXY CHICK
CLIMBING UP AND GRINDING ON MY FACE LIKE IT
WAS HER FIRST TIME DRIVING STICK.
I love to play hard and don't bruise easily.

I have a fantasy...
I have always wanted an enema.
I think it would feel soooo nice having water squirted
up my ass then push it out all over your body!
Then you can eat me out and fuck me.
I have all kinds of toys.
Then I would rub your clit and finger you.

I am real and have no disease.
Just be yourself and we'll get along great.
I don't want my face all over the place.
Msg me with your picture and number
and I will call or text you.

 

---William James

       written with the help of Craigslist personals
 
 
 
 
 
 


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 10

 
 

Recombinant Disjointed Facebook Comments


This day is automatically a success. I just joined the video chat room of strange visitors. Some dolphin-free tuna women had a hassle with a sweat lodge. Walt Whitman was watching nearby in a dark wood. You don't even wanna know how many Girl Scout cookies I just ate. Wow, my aunt went through the same thing when she was in college and it really pissed her off. How could a $50 blade produce such a crappy cut? Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Be afraid, be very afraid. I wonder if having a small number of sadistic friends is a good thing? I actually goggled and emailed him about manic episodes with bipolar disorder. Hey do you want to go get some Pho tomorrow?

In a celebration of love and an act of giving and letting go, Laura has a guitar, a balcony and a bottle of white wine calling her name. I just got a wild hair up my arse and totally crack cleaned my house and then I went outside in this beautiful weather and cleaned out my pickup and my flower beds. I can't wait. Yes, they took me to an abandoned octopus circus. A fox is in the hen house. And here we sit with the absence of lizards and heat. I devoured one with a glass of wine. I think I am just watching things to make myself more depressed.

This one kept me up until midnight Saturday night... Seems like I need a lot of fight and revenge stuff to clear my inner system. With it, a single growl rumbled from my chest. It was the one and only thought that began to run deep within my mind’s eye. "Illumine and hallow your hearts; let them not be profaned by the thorns of hate or the thistles of malice." I saw a young girl I once knew getting on the school bus - with her brother and sis. Friends of mine who make me feel beautiful live far away, a passionate kiss, a warm hug, my Grandma Doris, and sunsets. Good lord, are those gallstones Jesus Christ?

Is this the road we want to travel? I don't know how much longer I can take these bus-related let-downs and lies. The Imperial Empire definitely speaks to me. If you don't do what you do, how can you be who you are? People like you deserve to be alone.


---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, April 9, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 9

 

Spam Email Pantoum


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---William James

 
 
 
 

Sunday, April 8, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 8

 

I had a dream
I saw a fetus with a cold
It was the same color as earthworms
It was in a cage
The floor was dusted by sawdust

A parasite had been released on the earth
It caused madness before the victim perished
A man shouted
“Hail Ceasar, we how are about to die salute you.”
He wore a tall blue hat
His sword turned to water in his hand
He danced with a cheetah
And won the day

Worms crawled over the unborn of the ground
Their unformed noses seeped wet with snot
The queen fly said,
“When the truth is ugly even a lie is beautiful.”


 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Saturday, April 7, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 7

 

Penhead Press Search Word Septolet

Replace
Communion Wine
Horse boner
Spice Girls spice-bus
With Bukowski’s
Night Train
Scrabble puns


 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Friday, April 6, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 6

 

Good Friday

Yesterday’s grass
weaves into threads of rubber
decaying off spoked
iron tractor wheels.
A thrasher, harvester,
and an ancient Ford pickup truck
oxidize angry red
into the cracked clay
of the lot.
A barn,
ramshackled
by too many recessions,
leans precariously
into the forked crook
of a towering maple tree.
Twisters of dust
rip along a dirt road
to reveal poisoned grass
and sun baked cattle bones
in an abandoned field.
A gray blanket hugs
the bottom of heaven
and licks
the ground cold
with unseen tongues
of mist.
Crows gather
on drooping telephone wires
picking flees off each other
to stave off starvation.
The ground quakes
in bassy emotive sobs
of anticipation
for the coming tempest.
Two dirty children play
in a lone two by four yard.
They scream
in a delightful noise
blowing
clouds of soapy bubbles
into the air
oblivious to a world
gone astray
outside
their picket fence.
A vulture stands watch
on a knobby fingered
arthritic oak
—waiting.
A high pitched whine
daggers
through my ears
as the dream
collapses into a
foreboding
silence.


 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 5

 

Size Matters

At a female friendly sex toy boutique
Learn tonal vocal techniques
to enhance bodily pleasure centers
Learn how to transform your man
with a life like extension
Rejuvenate physical touch
through an ancient ritual
New harmonics will open your cave
Together you will sing crescendos
in a lively chorus of two

 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 4

 

Pick a strategy
Activate your life purpose
Free from USA sweatshops
Find meaning in spiritual hunger
Live consciously
In the vineyard
Do great things
Take your time
Go slowly

 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 3

 

The process of death is the systematic removal of all that you love from your life. It is like taking a prolonged stinging shit. Instead of the toxic byproducts from digested food being eliminated, the essence which animates your soul will run like diarrhea drips out a gaping asshole. Increasingly, as time progresses, your body become will become fouled up by experiences unimaginable as a child. The taste of living will be yucky on your tongue. Eventually, even your wobbly steps will become torture and you will begin to lose hope of regeneration. As your last breath nears, a lifetime of anxiety about this day will melt away into anticipation and the finality of escape.


When I moved from the city to the country, I started to die.


 
 

---William James, 04032012

 
 
 
 
 

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Gathering by Purple Mark

 
In lavish circles whirling, they skittered over the water top
weird women flying, their snarls and tatters streaming,
laughing profanely like bawds.

It wasn’t All Hallows Eve or any occasion that those
who weren’t these Witches would know. Yet it was an occasion
for them as their little ones were beginning their way in the Craft.

Seven of them stood wide-eyed as the Circle was cast.
They were smudged and invited within the muddy Sacred space
as the Spring rains continued to come down to soak the Earth.

The Quarters were called and they each in turn faced
the High Priestess’s Athamé and intoned the words they had
long rehearsed to be perfect on this most important occasion.

Despite the rain’s fall they were glad that they were now a part
of the Sacred Sisterhood. The cakes and ale which followed
made them feel that they were indeed growing up

and on the way to attaining the wisdom which had passed
from Mother to Daughter for so many generations that
their lines were lost in the mists of memory.

As soon as the last cake was eaten and the last of the ale sipped,
the Quarters were thanked and the Circle opened and the Witches
old and new dispersed to the four corners of their town.

Rain fell softly on the town cupolas, chuckled from rain-spouts
and spoke in strange subterranean tongues beneath the windows
of the town which had no idea of the importance of the evening.
 
 

---Purple Mark, 03/31/12

 
 
 

Purple Prompts:                                                                         

  1. In lavish circles whirling, broomstick-borne, they skittered over the water top, weird women flying, their snarls and tatters streaming, laughing profanely like bawds.” Charles G. Finney. The Circus Of Dr. Lao And Other Improbable Stories. (Bantam Books, 1956) Page. 69.
  2. Rain fell softly on town cupolas, chuckled from rain-spouts, and spoke in strange subterranean tongues beneath the windows... Ray Bradbury Something Wicked This Way Comes. (Bantam / Pathfinder Books, 1962) Page 112.
 
 
 
 
 

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 2

 

Thirty two plastic chess men
march
in a band
playing tiny blue
French horns

Eight black poodles
chase the tails of eight white
toy chihuahuas
in a grassy field
They pause
In unison
to wolf down
fresh piles
of new born calf shit
 

---William James

 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, April 1, 2012

National Disasterpiece Month --- Number 1

 

Notes to the would be leaders
in an enslaved world of hominids
Size Maters.
So, you better have a big one
if you want my banana.

Quote of the month:
Great flirtatious heroines,
high on the clouds of Olympus
jealousy, is a mother fucker
in a bathtub
blowing over with soapy bubbles.
Plan your new year’s past
with refracted bands of color.

---William James