Found on a flash drive...

 

A disastrous Craigslist Personal Ad

My name is Stanley Tweedle and I’m looking for a dirty little love slave. As captain of the Lexx, I get kind of bored with only a robot head and dead man for company. The Lexx is only the most powerful weapon in the two universes however; Stan the man has a stinger too.

So, what I am seeking is a sexy girl who likes to get wet playing beach games. As, you know the ocean—on the little blue planet—is wrought with many dangers. If you step on a prickly little sea creature or get stung by a jellyfish one has to act quickly to put out the fire of the sting.

Lets pretend that you are swimming along a deserted beach and get a face (chest or ass) full of Jellyfish. I’ll swoop down from the stars in my moth and swing into action as doctor Stanley Tweedle with a full tank of fuel and hose ready to douse your infected parts with the only remedy available. Then later, back on board the Lexx…

Fill in the rest of the story. I want to read—before we play—the thoughts of your dirty little filth starved mind.

William James, October 4, 2006

 
 
 
 

Lion Around by Purple Mark

 

 

The Lion sunned himself on the slab of stone,

the weather was warm for an early February day.

He watched the visitors who mostly ignored him

busy with whatever the non-cats did, bundled up

in their faux furs and not having a fabulous mane

with which to claim the kingship of all he surveyed.

Here he need do nothing, not even to take care

of the two cubs which batted an old wooden ball

around through the returning grasses still mostly

brown, but eagerly turning green with plenty of rain

and lengthening days and now glorious sunshine.

 
 

 

The veldt was a distant memory for him today,

more like a dream when he he had roamed

the savannah and hunted the zebra and impala.

Now, although he could occasionally smell them,

he couldn’t reach them through the metal barriers,

nor could he see them still or bounding through

this place which wasn’t anything like Africa.

It was an odd life being free, yet not free and all

too often his days were spent just like this:

sunning on this rock and watching the creatures

that paraded in front of him with their incessant

noise-making and their pushing of things with

round little legs for their young and old which

couldn’t walk on their own. At least he could walk.

 

---Purple Mark, 02042012

 
 
 
 

Prompts:                                                                         

1. Couldn’t walk on their own. At least he could walk. Pages 11 & 12 illustrations 51 & 54 from Animals: 1419 Copyright-Free Illustrations Of Mammals, Birds, Fish, Insects, Etc.: A Pictorial Archive From Nineteenth Century Sources selected by Jim Harter, Dover Publications 1979.

 
 
 
 
 

I made this... sort of