My advice is to give up.
You have to learn to shrug off a betrayal or two
and sometimes a not-so-minor annoyance.
If it begins to bother you, slap him down.
Tell him, Hey, big boy, you stink.
Tell him he is a sexist asshole.
Tell him your ejaculations are actually piss.
Tell him to drink it.
Tell him to like it.
Tell him he is a gay man.
Get a strap-on
Work up to buttsex over a week or two
Breathe, medical marijuana, deeply.
but don't be ridiculous with your words
the next time he spanks your hairy little cat.
with the help of Savage Love February 15, 2012