The last scrabble match of twenty-ten was a cat and dogfight between Ashina (a nanny), Emily (a PhD in cellular Biology), Ahmed (an educator), and (of course) yours truly (a poetic bum). In the skirmish we tore our claws into the choicest grammatical filet mignon. The dead-things tenderloins generated waxed viral off the board with Tuner Pisco flying the jet up the stair and Quo Hun biding his time warring through tall cedar stands in the wadi.

An essential strategy to winning scrabble is knowing how to defend. Key to defensive posturing is learning the ninety-nine officially accepted two letter words. Soon, I will have them all memorized, but here they are should you too desire to be enlightened: aa, ab, ad, ae, ag, ah, ai, al, am, an, ar, as, at, au, ax, ay, ba, be, bi, bo, by, de, do, ed, ef, eh, el, em, en, er, es, ed, ex, fa, go, ha, he, h, ti, hm, ho, id, if, in, is, it, jo, ka, la, li, if, in, is, it, jo, ka, la, li, lo, ma, me, mi, mm, mo, mu, my, na, ne, no, nu, od, oe, of, om, on, op, or, os, ow, ox, oy, pa, pe, pi, re, sh, si, so, ta, ti, to, uh, um, un, up, us, ut, we, wo, xi.

Go figure the board is warped
like iv

who knew all those q words
are officially accepted by scrabble engine

As you can see there are a lot of “aa” & “oh” words. The “q” words that do not require a “u” are also indispensable, because more often than not when you draw your tiles “q’s” are rarely followed by “u’s.” These bars of bullion that are worth remembering are: qi, qat, qis, qadi, qaid, qats, qoph, faqir, qadis, qaids, qanat, qophs, tranq, faqirs, qabala, qanats, qindar, qintar, qiviut, qwerty, sheqel, tranqs, qabalah, qabalas, qintars, qiviuts, qwertys, qabalahs, mbaqanga, qindarka, sheqalim, mbaqangas. Thus far, I have only about three of these "q" words on instant recall.

The endgame teemed with intrigue. I went out first playing the words tug and nu. It would have been even more glorious if I had won, but I settled for not dead last. I was pleased that Emily won. The final scores were Ashina 110 – 1 = 109, Ahmed 170 – 3 = 167, Emily 190 – 4 = 186, and me with a whopping 142 + 8 = 150 big ones. I was only seventeen points behind Ahmed. Seventeen points is almost like a victory over him. And the poems weren’t that horrible either. They were like the dishes a vegan would consume in Siberia by eating only the plants available in the environment. Scrabble poetry isn't the easiest pool of words to pen a pun from. If you are brave you can see them if you scroll on down and keep reading this loud leaking egg.

The words we played this time were equally challenging: jet, er / jo / door, job, sex / jobs, ef / xi / fie, tuner, quo, aa / ad, ropes / efs, do / or / nod, eh, on / na, stair / ehs, li / er / leak, hun, leaking, sexy / ye, pisco, viral, fir / pi, quoted, loud, wit, grove, za / aloud, aw, bides / grove, bi / in / in, jete / teem, fie, tug / nu—as you can see. I bet you, the reader, have already formulated a poem or tale of aw that you wish to deepen my mind with (as a comment below)!

The ehs of fie as written in the five minute cease fire following the war:

...hm...what can I do now...

Ahmed Screams Aloud in Grove Wars

groves war aloud

pisco leaking egg goo

jobs doors, ropes, toys

aa sex, na hun

nod hun, eh, bi bi

groves bid aloud za

aw fir quo fir? pro xi

do nod hun do nod

ropes ton quoted ton

groves teem a loud tug

fie fie aw na xi nu

aw jo, aw sexy, aw al tree

aw sexy jete' bo jete'

aloud, tuner aa

quoted aloud

a loud grove stair

Ashena's orginal (forgive me for editing it)

Ashena Quoted Hun

Tuner quoted aw-loud jet

Ton on Hun,

aw sexy

bi-sex in roves

Viral sex, jobs, bids

Eggs in za

War in groves on

Stairs teem ropes

Aloud jete in a tug

Quo in aa al and re

Ix effs nu na

Leak pisco in stairs

Emily's Poem (Shat...I did it again...I edited it)

Emily Viral Quoted

Sexy jobs by the ton

Tug ye leaking egg aloud

Aw….li…pi…xi…

Fie! Fie!

War ropes in groves

Pisco toys

On jete doors

Nod sexy hun

Er wit teems

Al stair efs

Quo fir

Tuner bids

William James’ Stab At Loud Viral Sex

Nod ropes Hun

A sexy door toy quoted war

Fie Jete’s in leaking viral groves

Al nods

Al bi-sexed a job on Hun

on the stair, Fie

Jete’s in leaking viral groves

Hun tugs a ton of Nod's eggs

Down in the corner, I went out by adding a "u," which formed the words NU & TUG

Now I bet you really are dying to give this try. I won’t stop you from recombining the words played into your own clay pot of poetry. The comment section is down here. Please, knock yourself out.