Sunday, January 16, 2011

Nod said, “A Poem Sprouts up into Loud Linear Viral Gasps of Sexy Orchards.”

The last scrabble match of twenty-ten was a cat and dogfight between Ashina (a nanny), Emily (a PhD in cellular Biology), Ahmed (an educator), and (of course) yours truly (a poetic bum). In the skirmish we tore our claws into the choicest grammatical filet mignon. The dead-things tenderloins generated waxed viral off the board with Tuner Pisco flying the jet up the stair and Quo Hun biding his time warring through tall cedar stands in the wadi.

An essential strategy to winning scrabble is knowing how to defend. Key to defensive posturing is learning the ninety-nine officially accepted two letter words. Soon, I will have them all memorized, but here they are should you too desire to be enlightened:  aa, ab, ad, ae, ag, ah, ai, al, am, an, ar, as, at, au, ax, ay, ba, be, bi, bo, by, de, do, ed, ef, eh, el, em, en, er, es, ed, ex, fa, go, ha, he, h, ti, hm, ho, id, if, in, is, it, jo, ka, la, li, if, in, is, it, jo, ka, la, li, lo, ma, me, mi, mm, mo, mu, my, na, ne, no, nu, od, oe, of, om, on, op, or, os, ow, ox, oy, pa, pe, pi, re, sh, si, so, ta, ti, to, uh, um, un, up, us, ut, we, wo, xi.

Go figure the board is warped
like iv

who knew all those q words
are officially accepted by scrabble engine
As you can see there are a lot of “aa” & “oh” words. The “q” words that do not require a “u” are also indispensable, because more often than not when you draw your tiles “q’s” are rarely followed by “u’s.” These bars of bullion that are worth remembering are: qi, qat, qis, qadi, qaid, qats, qoph, faqir, qadis, qaids, qanat, qophs, tranq, faqirs, qabala, qanats, qindar, qintar, qiviut, qwerty, sheqel, tranqs, qabalah, qabalas, qintars, qiviuts, qwertys, qabalahs, mbaqanga, qindarka, sheqalim, mbaqangas. Thus far, I have only about three of these "q" words on instant recall.

The endgame teemed with intrigue. I went out first playing the words tug and nu. It would have been even more glorious if I had won, but I settled for not dead last. I was pleased that Emily won. The final scores were Ashina 110 – 1 = 109, Ahmed 170 – 3 = 167, Emily 190 – 4 = 186, and me with a whopping 142 + 8 = 150 big ones. I was only seventeen points behind Ahmed. Seventeen points is almost like a victory over him. And the poems weren’t that horrible either. They were like the dishes a vegan would consume in Siberia by eating only the plants available in the environment. Scrabble poetry isn't the easiest pool of words to pen a pun from. If you are brave you can see them if you scroll on down and keep reading this loud leaking egg.

The words we played this time were equally challenging: jet, er / jo / door, job, sex / jobs, ef / xi / fie, tuner, quo, aa / ad, ropes / efs, do / or / nod, eh, on / na, stair / ehs, li / er / leak, hun, leaking, sexy / ye, pisco, viral, fir / pi, quoted, loud, wit, grove, za / aloud, aw, bides / grove, bi / in / in, jete / teem, fie, tug / nu—as you can see. I bet you, the reader, have already formulated a poem or tale of aw that you wish to deepen my mind with (as a comment below)!

The ehs of fie as written in the five minute cease fire following the war: can I do now...

Ahmed Screams Aloud in Grove Wars

groves war aloud
pisco leaking egg goo
jobs doors, ropes, toys
aa sex, na hun
nod hun, eh, bi bi

groves bid aloud za
aw fir quo fir? pro xi
do nod hun do nod
ropes ton quoted ton

groves teem a loud tug
fie fie aw na xi nu
aw jo, aw sexy, aw al tree

aw sexy jete' bo jete'
aloud, tuner aa
quoted aloud
a loud grove stair

Ashena's orginal (forgive me for editing it)

Ashena Quoted Hun

Tuner quoted aw-loud jet
Ton on Hun,
aw sexy
            bi-sex in roves

Viral sex, jobs, bids
Eggs in za
War in groves on
Stairs teem ropes

Aloud jete in a tug
Quo in aa al and re
Ix effs nu na     
Leak pisco in stairs



Emily's Poem (Shat...I did it again...I edited it)

Emily Viral Quoted

Sexy jobs by the ton
Tug ye leaking egg aloud
Fie! Fie!

War ropes in groves
Pisco toys
On jete doors
Nod sexy hun

Er wit teems
Al stair efs
Quo fir
Tuner bids

William James’ Stab At Loud Viral Sex

Nod ropes Hun
A sexy door toy quoted war
Fie Jete’s in leaking viral groves
Al nods

Al bi-sexed a job on Hun
on the stair, Fie
Jete’s in leaking viral groves
Hun tugs a ton of Nod's eggs

Down in the corner, I went out by adding a "u," which formed the words NU & TUG

Now I bet you really are dying to give this try. I won’t stop you from recombining the words played into your own clay pot of poetry. The comment section is down here. Please, knock yourself out.

1 comment:

  1. Sex bides in a fir grove.
    Door ropes tug,
    a loud stair ....