Wednesday, November 21, 2012

We Don't Talk Anymore

We Don’t Talk Anymore

Dad was killed at 3:15 PM
on the last Sunday of June in 2012
He was on his way into town
to pick up a valve for a hydraulic wood splitter
he was rebuilding for a neighbor
when he lost control of his truck
and slammed into the front of a bus

One year eleven months prior
he and my older sister formed a new company
I considered their offer to be a partner,
but when my name failed to show up on the LLC agreement
I said no to working in the business

Unity was important to dad
It pained him to know that I had grown apart from the family
That I didn’t want to work in the business
That I didn’t even try to find a niche
That being in the same room with her made me furious
Dad's desires were simple, he just wanted us to get along
All I wanted to do was go back to the city and be left alone

My sister blames me for our father’s death
She said, I should have taken over dad’s position as a bookkeeper
She said, I should have given up that foolish idea of self-employment as a publisher
She said, that I wasted my life as writer
She said, that I should have gotten a real job instead
She said, that if all I did for the company was drive, he’d still be alive today

It is Sunday, 3:15 pm
I had a vision of dad
one week after his funeral
Dad had just had a stroke
I had done everything they asked of me
I had given up my economic dreams in favor of her dreams
I had brought him home from the hospital
He was looking out the family room window at a garden he no longer could work
He was bound to a wheel chair
He was in imprisoned in a realm beyond sadness
His heart gave out on him
I started crying

---A 11/21/2012 EDIT

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